It doesn’t have to be nuclear... Everytime...

Small steps are usually all that is needed to welcome change and/or change your surroundings, ideals, thoughts, etc. It could be as simple as picking up a book, or subscribing to a few magazines. So far, Travel & Leisure is full of win. How about a getaway in Europe for $244 a night – not bad right? The key to travel though is follow-through. Well, that’s just about the key to everything though. With fall fast approaching (and/or here depending on location) vacationists try to find awesome deals. Antigua sounds nice about now…. And the Resort deals are fantastic… So – what are we waiting for?! No really – I want to go…

Sometimes, though, change requires drastic measures, ideals, thoughts, and follow-through. Take Operation Dominic for example – a classified series of upper-atmosphere nuclear explosions lead by the Defense Atomic Support Agency back in the 50’s/60’s. These tests (approx 115 in total) were in direct relation to the mounting tension IE; COLD WAR between the United States and Russia. It required drastic follow-through… On July 9^th, 1962 Starfish Prime (its classified designator) detonated successfully approximately 250 miles in the upper atmosphere over the Pacific Ocean. The detonation caused an electromagnetic pulse which was far larger than expected… It also caused something beautiful to the eye… An Aurora illuminated much of the Southern Pacific for days after the event…

We don’t always get to choose how life goes or how change comes our way… But we are absolutely in charge/behind the wheel of how we deal with that change – with those events – nuclear or not. Frequently a change or even the idea of a change can cause us to lose focus of the here and now – our present dealings/our present mind… Just recently change affected (for a few moments) my goal of here and now thinking… We all have those days. But today is another day and I’m not a million miles away anymore – I’m right here enjoying what I have, my friends, the people I love, the people who love me, and knowing that everything that happens, happens for a reason. Furthermore, not only do things happen for a reason, but those things are ALWAYS good things – it may not be immediately apparent to me now, but it will be.

So, enough of all this talky talk bull shit – It’s f*cking Halloween this weekend friends…!!! In my opinion, this is more of an adult “holiday” than for kids…. Mostly because Halloween has turned into a great excuse to drink, party and it’s a damn wonderful excuse for beautiful women to dress slutty and sexy without remorse or conscious. Boo yeah. So it seems there are going to be many a parties this year – I’m going to be gladly tagging along to a few of those with no remorse. I will drink too much, I will stare too much (yeah I’m talking to you), perhaps fondle too much (don’t worry, I’m a sexy Priest), have an amazing time, and take lots and lots of pictures… Then I will give much anticipated details on the events that transpire this weekend… That is if I can recall them… But that’s what pictures are for – memory joggers… Right?

 In the name of the father, and the son, and the holy….

-Billups

How to Dress the Part...

I’ll tell you how to socialize – then throw a party. No need to pay the bar-keep. I am the bar-keep. If you want to pay me – that’s cool too. Often times though I don’t accept money… Use your imagination. There isn’t a need to explore aimless bars and “hipster” activities, then find fake friends who like playing the part… In my world, those are “friends of convenience” – wonder why those “friends” aren’t “friendly” anymore – true friends aren’t out of convenience.

 When you’re a part of a great social network – everyone supports each other. So, as Boston John says, “what time is the cancert?” Its’ a Friday night and what better to do than listen to your buddy(s)’ wicked band at a local bar for happy hour? Absolutely nothing.

So, Friday starts off with a long morning from a long night before… Something to do with fourth degree likes… Anyway – short day at the office because I’ve got to prepare for an after party at my Casa… After all, what better way to be a Modern Uncle than to host an after party after happy hour? Boo yeah. Keg ordered. The Captain will be there and so will the all important veggie tray and cheese/cracker tray – done and done.

The Casa is pristine – but it always is now that I don’t have to pick up other peoples’ shit. The ZoMonster is prepped – I’ve asked her not to embarrass me… Music – check. Chairs – check. Hot little lady(s) – check. People who show up 4 hours late – check. This is going to be fun.

What often happens after numerous cold beers, social pressure, and a crazy multitude of beautiful people is what I will refer to as a “keg stand.” I think most everyone knows the term. It still amazes me how keg stands can get the crowed pumped – ready for more. It also blows my mind that I meet people to this day who have never done one…  But that’s what I’m here for. I’m here for you. I’m here for you to experience new things – think new ways and to life live to the fullest. CHECK.

Why rock a tie with jeans? Think you have the balls to pull it off? If you do and you do it right – you won’t regret it – I promise new experiences. Think confidence. Know confidence. Gleam confidence. Rock confidence and dress the part.

Like it to the 4^th degree,

-Billups

Oktoberfest, Panties, and No Panties...?

The key to getting into somewhere fast is to know the right people – or pretend to know the right people. See – when arriving to an event that boasts 5K+ visitors/partiers/drunk people and is secured in a military facility The Modern Uncle doesn’t “wait” in line at the gates. No, no, no friends – The Modern Uncle approaches the situation with confidence and awe in his ability. IE; find the Senator’s people, strike up conversation, and move in with the official party. Done and Done. Thank you.

The problem with German beer is that it is too God damn potent. Its’ so good – that before you know it, you’ve sucked down  4 x 24oz. Steins of Oktoberfest and you can’t stand up. That’s how good German beer is friends…… And then God gave The Modern Uncle The Dirndl…. If I have to explain what a Dirndl is to you – you = FAIL and are banned from LIFE.

Shall I explain further?

 And one more because I can...

What we seemed to realize right away was that panties are NOT required. Yes – you heard me right. It seems that the Dirndl of today (and the wearer of such clothing) has morphed into a free spirit, sexy, who-gives-a-f*ck attitude. Who needs panties, right?

I don’t often drink German beer, but when I do – I prefer to drink it at Oktoberfest.

Mmm Mmm Good.

-Billups

Wheelbarrows and Bottom Lines...

When a piece of important information is presented to you – or is asked of you – The Modern Uncle always has to take that second look. What does it mean? What does that information mean to you or ask of you? Often times – when not understood the information may try and F*CK you. Ask yourself this – am I being F*CKED right now? Or – am I just misinterpreting this information? Maybe the sender was misinformed? Nah – F*CK that. They sent you the information right? Maybe they are just uneducated and/or lazy...

The moral of the story is to ask questions – you’re a smart person – if something doesn’t feel right – it's probably not. Don't be afraid to tell people they are wrong. Don't be afraid to let people know you are much smarter than they may think. In fact, may I suggest this: Laugh it off! Laugh it off as a learning experience and move on - after all forgiveness is the more powerful than most people know. 

Don't believe me? Are you still holding on to that persecution or that grudge or that revenge? Are you carrying around emotional bricks? Let it go. Say it out loud. Tell that person – “I forgive you.” F*CK them – it’s not for them friends – it’s for you! Try it out like you try out a new pink sock massage or a new and expensive wine – jump into that shit head first. Afterwards, laugh with friends, have some fun, and clean up.

Playzo,

-Billups

Tacos, Beer, & The Boom Stick...

The secret to cooking Modern Uncle Style tacos is the meat marinade. Brown the meat – throw a pinch of Lawry’s Seasoning salt in the pan – dash some McCormick’s steak seasoning on top, stir. In the meantime, open a Newcastle Brown Ale drink two drinks. Splash a dash in the marinade sauce pan – drink two drinks.

Now, you see, I gather fresh herbs and spices from the desert before creating my marinade – often times having to deal with a rattlesnake or two. It is imperative that fresh ingredients are used – that is if you want your guest(s) to come back for a quick taco meal ever again. So here I am – gathering and cutting/pulling herbs and spices from the earth. I’ve got my back pack – I’ve got my gardening tool in my left hand – frosty beverage in the other. My companion – we’ll call her ZoMonster – is riding in my satchel. I look down as I pull the last batch of red peppers, oregano, and cumin from the ground. I look up quickly and see a rainbow. Holy shit – its’ a double rainbow – and its’ all the way across the sky!! I don’t know what it means… What does this mean? I don’t give a shit – so I gather my ingredients and proceed to mix my marinade…

Have you ever missed something so much – its’ like wow – I missed this? How do you deal with it? The Modern Uncle deals with it one way – never lose those thoughts/images/emotions – keep them close – use them to your advantage. Grow from them. Reflect on them. Prepare for that something to reappear… Then when the time comes you are ready – you are ready to rock the shit out of that something you missed so much… Whatever that may be…

Four-hour marathons are usually held for runners or cross country skiers. It’s not just that staying up late, drinking and socializing is what we do – but how about sweat dripping, open mouth breathing, heart-pumping, adrenaline pulsing, muscle tensing/cramping marathons? Really? Yeah –really. It’s not just up-hill – its’ downhill – its’ sprints – its’ fast walking – its’ walking – its’ crawling – its’ lunging – the pace never stays the same. It can’t stay the same – you have to make sure that different portions of the body are used and worked out properly so that the intended effect is created… So god damn it – make some tacos, drink some beer, socialize, and be sure to use your boom stick properly when in a marathon.

Boom……. Boom……. Boom……..

-Billups

Whatever you do - Don't FALL OUT HERE...

So, on a Class V river things can get out of control quickly. Especially at 0800 hrs when you are still recovering from the drinking that ensued the night before. Hold on tight – make sure your foot is stuffed firmly between the rubber thing in front of you, hold on to your paddle, and listen to your guide. Mostly though – whatever you do – don’t fall out at this rapid – here, at this precise point where the rapid starts to devour boats and people. But what kind of fun and adventure would this be without any action? Someone always has to fall out – at the clear-cut point – when you have no right falling out of a rubber boat in a Class V rapid. Awesome – panic ensues. I know someone is gone because I feel feet fly over my head, however I can’t see sh*t because of the 5 foot wave of white water encompassing our boat. We dip up and over – I look back and see our floater – drastically grasping for the boat in the middle of this rapid. I look forward and see most everyone laughing their asses off – it is oddly hilarious to see your boat mate grasping for life in the midst of panic and confusion. Safety is achieved however – laughter ensues – STOP laughing! Forward 4 – GO.

When an opportunity arises – you have to grasp it! That’s what I’m doing. No regrets. “You want to go white water rafting?” Hell yes I want to go white water rafting and I make it happen. What’s the next adventure you say? Sky diving – yeah – you heard me right. I’m going to jump out of a god damn plane… Oh F*CK ME. But – I’ve been given the opportunity so guess what – I’m going to take it.

And so should you.

Stay frothy,

-Billups

New Castle & Thoughts of Zen

As I study the Asian religions more and more – my intuition as to what living life “means” becomes more and more apparent. It also helps that I have a New Castle beverage and a knack for writing at this late hour. 

"Healing the past enables you to be happy in the present.” 

How powerful is that statement?

Of course the question rises – how do we heal the past? Learning to accept past events as a BENEFIT to you or will be a BENEFIT to you is a start. How do you start? Start by forgiving yourself for those past events – for things you regret doing to others or forgiving others for what they may have done to you. Each life event is for your benefit or will be for your benefit. Say it again – each and every life event is for your benefit or will be for your benefit – period. Whether that event was/is to strengthen a weakness or teach us a life lesson – take that wisdom and share it with the people who are suffering, hopeless, or hurting. The knowledge you bestow can help in many ways. Acknowledge your life events as the best possible thing that could have happened to you and everyone else – at that certain time. 

“This moment we call now is all that exists.” 

I try to heal from my past (it’s a continuing process) – knowing that everything that has happened has happened for a reason – for a benefit for me and all people involved. I’m living life NOW. What else is there really besides today, tonight, now? Learning lessons and memories – yes – but those too are “now” events right? Think about it… How thin is the hairline between past events, the present, and the future?

I’m going to tell you how I feel – I’m going to speak my mind – I’m going to have fun and I’m going to do what feels right. This feels right – right now.

Frost that shit,

-Billups

White Water, Black Water, & Ice Water

Sleep deprivation is a funny thing. In our military we train soldiers to endure days of sleep deprivation to strengthen the physical / mental mind balance. Couple this with extreme stress levels and non-stop physical activity and you have a Manchurian Candidate. This is not anything new – The CIA has used these techniques to manipulate individual mental states since the 1960’s. Probably the most interesting and controversial were the experiments done to civilians / soldiers during the famous Project MK-ULTRA…

Alas – I digress. You don’t have to be a soldier or a captured civilian in the CIA’s custody to be deprived of sleep or feel like your current situation has your mind going bonkers. Shit – I rolled out of bed at 0530 this morning and wanted to kick myself for staying up so late. A night at the gym turned into 6 or 7 beers with friends... And The Modern Uncle never turns down great beer, great friends, or a great atmosphere.

But, the mind wonders awake with life, thoughts, and to-do lists and I’m horrible at shutting that off. So – 0130 hits and I’m thinking about drunk texting… No, no – I convince myself that would be a bad idea in my current state… Instead though, I gather myself and start figuring my upcoming adventure trip to West Virginia. Yes – white water rafting to be exact. I know what you’re thinking – what the hell is in West Virginia? I thought the same, but WV has some killer Class IV/V rapids – literally – I may die on these f*cking things.

So, I promised adventure – now what I have gotten myself into? I mean I have built survival rafts /crafts from sticks, logs, bamboo, bones, and silly string while lighting a fire in the wilderness and holding a puppy in my left hand… But I’ve never been on a Class V rapid in a floating zodiac looking piece of rubber with a bunch of screaming people. Its’ also the end of September – can we say ice cold, bone chilling water? Awesome. I’m stoked beyond belief – no really – I am.

So, I’m going to sit back and relax a bit in the office today. My coffee is almost gone and I ate my burrito like a champ. So ponder this – picture yourself in a situation where you cannot communicate in normal ways to someone you need to get a message to. What do you do? How do you get your message across without being solicitated by the enemy or compromising the integrity of your message? Sometimes, how elaborate little letters insure everything is the key to cryptology.

Frost it up,

-Billups

Adventure Slides...

Moving forward in life is the key to happiness. You can’t live in the past – you can’t get caught up in the future – you have to live in the now – the present. Why say you that Modern Uncle? I will tell you exactly why.

Learning from the past is crucial. Looking ahead and having dreams is normal. But living your Modern life in any area other than the present will destroy it. It will destroy your relationships, your friendships, and it gives you a perverse look at the world. Holding onto something from the past/not letting go? Drop it friends… It will destroy you if you hold onto it – instead, learn from it and make it a valuable life experience. Concentrated on what is going to happen when your 25, 30, or 35 years young? Don’t be – having dreams and goals are one thing, but living your life for the “light at the end of the tunnel” or “I/we will have so much more money in a year, everything will be fine” or “in 5 years my life will be so much better.” F*ck that my friends! If you live in the present – in the now – you carve your own path, you create your own destiny. As soon as you start “doing” – those dreams and goals will start falling like a phat set of Dominos.

Learning to live in the “now” is what I have learned these past 8 months of hell. As a Modern Uncle, I have always tried to live in the “now” but was unable to due to relationship circumstances. How did you change your circumstances, you may ask? When I hurt – I hurt. When I wanted to scream – I screamed. When I had enough – I had enough. When I was ready to change my circumstances – I changed them. I changed my circumstances by living in the now and realizing that the only way to reach my life’s potential was to live in the now – in the present. Not in a make believe world – not in the past and definitely not in the “what life could be if this [name an event] happens” malarkey.

So there is your quick history lesson…… AND SO here we are.

When I want to have fun – I have fun. When I want to drink keg beer from a 2 story beer bong – I drink that shit. When I want to rap to Lil Wayne lyrics – damn sure I rap that shit. When I want to waste away watching football for 10 hours – you know where I will be cause I own that shit. When I want to take a trip anywhere with anyone – best be sure I’m going to travel that shit.

I’m not a lyrical mastermind but I know how to choreograph a wicked flow. Think about it – write it – just let it go. A poem or a haiku I’ll show you the way. Stick with this blog – The Modern Uncle and I know you’ll want to stay. It’s all about loving, living, laughing, and finding that peace and happiness within you –

So if you see me out – damn sure better join us for a brew.

As always - Stay Frosty,

-Billups

It's All About The Children...

This week starts off fairly well – a weekend full of football, testosterone, and keg beer has me feeling pretty damn refreshed (for a Monday). The Modern Uncle knows how to support a charity event – especially a Charity Golf Tournament in support of children. It is all about the children, you know? Never mind the shot gunning of keg beer, or hot college girl volunteers, or free kick ass prizes, or even drag racing golf carts – this event was truly for the children.

It isn’t an easy task to do – confusing The Modern Uncle. Alas, we are human. You build walls – everyone does whether it is a relationship or while building a 3000 sq. ft. house. Walls are a part of life – you learn to put them up when people get too close or when you need cover from the elements… It seems that breaking down walls is a part of the crucial life experience though – keeping an open perspective on life, laughter, love, and happiness allows you to break these walls with optimism and fortitude. So, I’m grabbing the damn wall – I’m tearing it down and I'm going to see what is on the other side – maybe I'll see you there.

Stay Frosty,

-Billups

The Wrap-Up

In a small city you almost always hear that there isn’t much to do… On the contrary, I have never ever been busier these last few weeks. For example – take this lovely weekend – which officially started for my Modern Uncle Entourage on Thursday night. It started fairly usual – drinks with my flying ace wingman who accompanies me on these adventures – at De La Vegas; the standard place for hip/young professionals, over-priced drinks and average looking gold diggers. It always begins the same – 3 or 4 tasty Brown Ale’s and we’re already restless, decisions come faster/smoother now – time to hit BWW for a scenery check and $4 beers.

BWW, the scenery is good, better than expected – as a Modern Uncle you have no choice – you sit exactly across from the table full of drunk and loud college women. Check your six – yes – the table behind you is also full of drunk and sexy college women. Placing yourself in these exact situations is critical. So the conversations are flowing now – the decisions come ever quicker as do the Shock Top 24 oz. beverages. As a Modern Uncle you MUST ALWAYS be aware of your surroundings and the situations in your environment. The table of drunken college women isn’t what you think… It’s like walking into a knitting class – get the F*CK out before it’s too late. As we quickly gather our resources, smoothly, we ask our beautiful waitress where she would go tonight…. Dublin’s seems to be the next stop…

Is it really this easy for The Modern Uncle? Get use to it friends. It’s like throwing a baited lure into a stocked trout pond the size of your bath tub… I will explain when I’ve had more than 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep… Christ – racing on steep mountain winding roads, Chile Festival, Wine Festival, Football… F*CK – what day is it today? Honestly, I only know today is Tuesday because I have my Microsoft Outlook Calendar blinking/beeping in my face telling me I have a 1600 meeting on a new experimental rocket motor program… Awesome – this should spark my second wind for the day, which I will surely need for band practice tonight.

Stay frosty.

-Billups

The Importance of Being Seen...

As I wake up half hung over and wondering why the hell I stayed up so late last night, my morning cup of coffee beckons internal thought. Oh, how worth meeting people is! While the mild headache tells your body that you drank too much last night – you override that feeling with the thoughts of pleasure and prowess of how you much you rocked the dead night scene last eve… The true ability of a Modern Uncle is just that. So – I sit up a bit straighter, make sure my shirt is tucked in, and head up to the big conference room to dazzle senior management… It will be quite easy to do – after all, the confidence given to The Modern Uncle after a delightful night such as last – easily outweighs the potential to fall asleep by Power Point.

-Billups

So... What is The Modern Uncle?

You usually get one chance in life… I've decided to take this task on with vigor and enthusiasm because I’ve been given that rare second chance at life, love, and happiness. Oh, thank you…! Furthermore, I feel it is my duty to write, report, and document my social adventures so that others can learn, live, love, laugh and grow. The debauchery that will ensue from here on out will be none-the-less spectacular… “Hello folks, we’ve been cleared for landing and will be making our final decent from 35,000 feet… Please make sure your seatbacks and tray tables are in their upright and locked position…“

The Modern Uncle is sophisticated, intelligent, savvy, handsome, and knows his way around a social scene. The Modern Uncle isn't intimidated by beautiful women or by a raging tornado. In fact - we are just the opposite. The Modern Uncle feels just as home speaking Chinese in a lecture hall as starting a fire with two twigs, in the wilderness, at night… All the while our left hand is busy holding a beer - or maybe a glass of wine - or conceivably even a puppy.

I can promise adventure, advice, beautiful women, exciting night-life chronicles and my Zen-like approach to what The Modern Uncle is and should be.

The Modern Uncle is you, my friend. Let's enjoy it.

-Billups